Showing posts with label Life with Talitha. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Life with Talitha. Show all posts

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Life with Talitha: How would our families feel?

Posted by Noel at Sunday, November 22, 2009


I promised a series of thoughts and stories about our becoming a multi-racial family. I am going to do that, Lord willing. But the holidays are here. So I'm going to pick up the series in a few weeks.

In the meantime, today I'll combine a bit of the holidays and "Life with Talitha." Today I am filled with thanksgiving for our extended families.

Quite some time before Talitha, I wrote to my father wondering about maybe adopting from Asia. Daddy assured us that he would welcome any child of ours. But he discouraged us because he wasn't sure how some of the extended family of his generation might react. (Daddy hasn't met Talitha yet, because he was already with his Lord when she was born).

When we told Johnny's dad that we were going to adopt an African-American daughter, he was hesitant for several reasons. But he was content to wait and see how God led us.

So how did our families respond to Talitha?

1. I've already written about my Mother's enthusiastic welcome.

2. Our fair-skinned, redheaded, 7-year-old nephew, Luke, was adopted in America and raised in Africa. When he got the news by email, he said, "Cool! We could use a little more color in the family."

3. When Talitha met Johnny's dad, she was in one of those shy-baby-no-strangers stages. Despite that, she lunged from Johnny's arms into her Opa's arms. And Opa just laughed.

4. At my family's reunion--with my siblings, nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles, and cousins by the dozens--the squealing, cooing, caressing, and head-patting was the same as for every new addition to the family. Neither then nor in the years since have I seen a hint that anyone has a problem with our adoption. And considering how sensitive my antennae were back then, I'm pretty sure I would have noticed.

And so I say to God as I have said hundreds of times for thousands of reasons, "Thank you for our families."
Talitha and her Opa (above). Piper reunion (below).

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Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Watchfulness

Posted by Noel at Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Talitha and the comforter I made from Asian batik material


Life with Talitha -- Part 2


In the first weeks or months of Talitha's being part of our family, I found myself being very watchful in two different directions.


1. I was watching Johnny to see if Talitha was as much his daughter as mine. When the idea of adoption had first come up in our family, I was ready to do it and Johnny was more hesitant. Then came the day when adoption was no longer just an idea, because there was an invitation to adopt one particular little girl. We spent time then, praying and seeking counsel.


Then Johnny said Yes, and Talitha became our daughter.


Despite his earlier hesitation, I didn't think his Yes was just to please me, but I needed to be sure. I found myself watching how he acted with her, especially when it wasn't just fun playtime. When she cried at night or had a messy diaper--in other words, when parenting hit its normal rough spots--did he expect me to be the one who should care for her because this was somehow my "project?"


I never saw any such attitude, and haven't until this day. When he said Yes, we said yes wholeheartedly together. Talitha is our daughter.


2. Now we were white parents with a black child. For a while, when I was out in public, I was hyper-aware of people's responses to seeing us. I imagined hundreds of eyes on us. Did they disapprove? Do they think I'm taking good enough care of her?


It seemed a lot of people stared at us more than they would have in our pre-Talitha days. But what I came to realize was this: I stare at cute babies too. Staring doesn't have to mean disapproval.


And what about stranger's comments? In general, white people didn't say anything. More often, a comment would come from an African-American. And it was likely to be something like, "What a beautiful baby!" which I came to hear as implicit approval.


I don't assume that everyone thought it was proper for a white woman to have a black baby, but none of them ever made themselves known.


After a while, I relaxed. I was me and this was my daughter.



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Tuesday, November 17, 2009

One time, a long time ago . . .

Posted by Noel at Tuesday, November 17, 2009


Life with Talitha -- part 1


Talitha has “always” known she’s adopted. It’s the story she asked for and listened to more often than any other.


Well, Talitha . . .


One time there was a little girl named Noël and a little boy named Johnny. They grew up and got married. They loved each other and hoped that God would give them children someday.


And he did. First, they had a round, blond boy named Karsten. Then they had another round, blond boy named Benjamin. Then came another round, blond boy named Abraham. And finally came the roundest, blondest of all, Barnabas. Sometimes their daddy called them the cookie-cutter kids.


Johnny and Noël said to God, “Father, You are the one who makes families. Thank you so much for our boys. We can’t imagine life without them. You have been very kind to us. So we don’t want to be greedy, but do you suppose there might also be a little girl for us?”


Time passed and the boys were getting older and there were no more babies. Noël said, “I guess the way we will get daughters is by our boys getting married and giving us daughters-in-law. . . . Or maybe someday a little girl will knock on my door and say, ‘Will you be my mother?’”


One sunny day in May, surrounded by green grass, young birches, and branches of lilac, Karsten married his sweetheart, Shelly. Johnny and Noël thanked God for their new daughter.


Just a few months later the phone rang. It was Johnny’s and Noël’s friend who worked at an adoption agency. She said, “There is a little girl born just a few days ago. I’ve been praying about what family God wants for her, and you keep coming to my mind. Would you please consider adopting her?”


Noël said, “This sounds like somebody knocking on my door and saying, ‘Will you be this little girl’s mother?’”


Johnny and Noël said, “Yes, we believe that God is adding this little girl to our family. She is Talitha Ruth.”


Finally the day came when their friend was bringing Talitha to them. They waited at church. And waited. And waited. Every time they heard the outside door open, they jumped up. Then one time it opened and around the corner came their friend—with Talitha.


She went first into Johnny’s arms. They touched her silky, black curls, and soft brown cheeks. She stared at them with her dark eyes and she smiled.


Then she burped. Barnabas laughed and laughed. And Abraham said, “Coo-uhl.”


Here, Talitha and I break into laughter, and that’s the end of the story.

Part 2

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